|| laughing my ass off
okay so i haven't updated in some time... but i had to say this... knowing what crazy is saying about me... it's just too funny. all references to "carol" are talking about me.
"Carol and Corina both hate me, I doubt their decision was entirely without any thought of me.
But if you don't actually see abuse of the system happening, then why try and fix something that isn't broken? Just because of the possibility it will happen? What about the possibility that people will play nice and not do it?
There are only certain places I can train. I'm not allowed at either CL or MU because she doesn't like me. I can't train at NEVGA because Carol is there and she won't leave me alone and in order to do well you have to interact and I don't trust either of us to interact nicely for long.
I train here because there is interaction. If I went to Green Bay or Santa Ana, there probably wouldn't be much interaction. Besides it'd just be the same person interacting there as here. But having all these characters here gives more options for roleplay, which is what I liked about this game and am sad to see dying out. It's what made Cascade Locks and this whole system different and more fun. But it's losing that. It's becoming more andmore like IFGA and I didn't like IFGA. I want a game where you can really get into character and pretend you are an elite gymnast. Not just some name and four/ five numbers. But that's what this system is apparently becoming.
And whether or not you meant it as a personal attack or not, it looks like one. Because as far as I can tell, I am the only one currently violating it.
I'm sorry you are stressed badly in real life and that this talk upset you. But I'm really stressed and upset by your suggestion, and by the way this game has been since I returned. I only came back because I missed it and wanted to have fun with the people I thought were friends. But ever since I returned it seems people don't want me to play and aren't my friend. I know Carol never was. But I thought Corina was, but she's continuosly making it clear she hates me and would rather I didn't participate at all. And lately it seems you are against me too, when in the past you were one of the players I respected most and thought of as probably the fairest minded in the group. It really hurts to have looked up to some people and respected them and then have them seemingly turn around and start hating you and without any explanation seem to want to exclude you from the game.
I don't understand why people suddenly don't like me and it upsets me. Corina almost completely ignores me and won't let me do things that everyone else I guess gets to. Why? What did I do to earn a second class status in this game? I really don't know and I wish someone would explain that to me. I want to be liked and treated like everyone else. What did I do wrong?"
well crazy... the first thing you did wrong was being an anti-semitic bitch... the second thing you did wrong was being psycho over a game... the third thing you did wrong was threatening physical harm if you didn't get your way... need i continue?
"I had gymnasts at Sage Brush, the Brighton Twins. I liked the fact that I could actually have twins there. IRL I've always been fascinated by multiples (and when I was younger I used to ask for a twin from my mom, as if she could just get me one for a birthday present or something, lol) but not that many gyms like people to have two gymnasts at the same level. But I couldn't figure out the points and stopped training them. And didn't you mention before during the EC interviews that you owned Outback Gymnastics Academy? I had a few gymnasts there and liked that gym... I think I may even have had more than I was supposed to there.
I know in the past I was always feeling very stressed out by this game and I feel it largely had to do with Carol. At one point she had her own personal online journal linked to from Nasya's website, and I visited it and saw her calling me names like psycho b**** and labeling me as Anti-Semitic which isn't true. And she mentioned having some friends who joined the game with the goal of getting me to quit, and that she hoped they'd succeed.
I don't mean to trash her, I'm only stating these facts in an effort to better explain where my feelings are coming from. This was after the Nationals/ JWT incidents, so I was already feeling like I had to be really good. Not just because I didn't want to be kicked out of the game, but I really felt (and still feel) extremely awful about what I did.
After seeing that entry though, I really felt like I was under attack. And not just me and her anymore, but her and several others and I was all alone. Not knowing who was trying to make me leave, I felt I had to really be careful who I trusted and what I said and did. She'd make comments in rp that I was pretty sure she made knowing they'd upset and most of the time I had to just try and ignore it. A couple times her attacks were bad enough that I was able actually have action taken against her, but not really anything more than the post being deleted and Corina warning her to leave me alone. Which she did for a little while but never permanently, although Corina told me once that the reason she never took more serious action against her was because Carol knocked it off when Corina asked her too, unlike me. But I knew that wasn't true. Just this past year she's gone after me in public atleast four times that others have recognized and yet nothing has happened to her. Again, I'm not saying this to attack her, just trying to explain why I always felt so stressed and helpless/ friendless. I felt like if I did something the teeniest bit wrong, she or someone else would be there to immediately pounce on me and get me kicked out of the game. But it seemed she could do whatever she wanted against me, as long as she spaced things out a few weeks.
And especially after those twins joined my AGA and then complained to the EC about my gym, I really felt I couldn't trust people. And I thought you, Becca, might have been one of the sets so I was really leery about trusting you. I thought they were buddies of Carol who saw an opportunity to ruin my gym and possibly get me kicked out or something.
I feel like I'm trapped in a war, trying to retreat but the other side keeps attacking. I don't know how to stop it. Ignoring her doesn't seem to work, I've apologized numerous times, and I've tried being kind. I'm hoping avoiding her unless necessary will work. That's why I had signed Zippy at NEVGA, I didn't think she had any gymnasts there. And she didn't, but then she signed one up and seemed insistant on interacting with Zippy. I tried being nice and friendly at first but when she offeneded me I began just ignoring her as much as I could. Unfortunately it was about then that Maryelle signed up and seeing as how she not only seemed to be a lot like Gabby but also insistant on interacting with Zippy, I was really nervous about interacting with her. I figured she was played by "Kyle Prosse" and since you seemed to be buddies I was afraid you two had something cooked up to get me to quit again.
I'm sorry about making assumptions about you, it's not fair of me. But I hope you can better understand why I felt and acted the way I did at the time. Now though, I feel less stressed and calmer and I think it's because I don't feel like I have to guard myself so much because I am not having to work with Carol daily. For a change this game is more a game and less of a battleground. And I think that's another reason I am really nervous about any changes. I feel good and safe at the gyms my characters are at, I don't want anything to ruin that feeling for me. Hopefully without all the stress I was under before I won't get so worn out to the point I don't want to play anymore and then quit only to miss the game and come back. I think that was my main problem, I would stress myself out so much over the game that I would be physically exhausted and just wanted out, so I'd quit. But I never really wanted to, I just wanted the stress I felt to go away.
And I'm not blaming anyone but myself for that. Please don't take offense or misinterpret what I have said as an attack on anyone. I don't feel I have anyone to blame but myself, but I hope that by explaining how I saw and interpreted things that my actions and feelings would be more understandable. I don't hate anyone, or even dislike anyone. I'm hurt by the actions of a couple people in this game, but for the most part I really like everyone.
And sorry for the kinda long "ramble". "
KINDA long? seriously crazy must think a lot about herself if she thinks people really give a shit about her psychanalytical analysis of the situations she puts herself in, right? i'm fucking thrilled she isn't at the same place as i am... seriously if i had to put up with her shit more than in reading the complaints she tries to force into the committee i'd like quit this game because i have a life and it takes more of my time up then this game. as far as talking shit about me getting her kicked out? yah i found that particularly amusing... and the part about me getting my posts deleted or getting reprimanded? HAH on what planet? i asked to have some shit deleted... and the other stuff is fully crap.
don't you wish that people would grow the fuck up?
PS- just realized... psychoanalytical totally applies! you've got the psycho- being anal!